Sunday, February 26, 2017

Sorry, did my son shit in your purse?

**warning today has been the hardest day in parenting yet, so if you're easily offended from swearing please don't read any further**

Parenting is not easy! In fact its one of the hardest fucking things I have ever experienced!

Today my 5-year-old had a huge tantrum in a supermarket, and of course, it was over something really trivial! His zip on his jacket was annoying him! Yes, you read that right, but if you too are a parent then that reason won't shock you, you will probably be nodding your head thinking "I hear ya girl, my little one can be an arsehole over nothing too!"

Now today was no ordinary tantrum! He decided to up the notch and went totally batshit crazy!! He threw himself on the floor, trying to pull me down with him, digging his nails into my arm clawing away, and then proceeded to get right up close in my face and growl at me! Yes, fucking GROWL! I am pretty certain after today that he is actually feral!!

Now the tantrums don't bother me as I get used to it, what really makes my piss boil is the looks and comments I hear from passers by!! One old lady and her husband stopped, looked at him in disgust, shook her head and said to her perfect husband "There wasn't anything like this in our day was there Henry" No love there probably wasn't, because I'm pretty sure in 1890 children was sold for work and marriage was they not!!?? Yes, I know slight exaggeration but I was, and still am pissed!

Then inside the shop he started crying because I wouldn't let him have a sausage roll after his little episode outside, "I'm starving mummy, I'm starving, you are so mean and I don't like you anymore, I only like daddy" meanwhile Alice Is in her pram tipping milk out of her bottle and whining to come out of her cosy toes, Joseph who is now over said sausage roll is trying to get my attention on some toy he believes he will get if he asks for it 1000 times!! Tears in my eyes start to build up as it all gets a bit too much!

Then, I kid you not, a lady looked around at him and looked him up and down like she was trying to burn him with her lazer eyes then looked over to me and gave out the biggest tut you have ever heard!

Sorry did my son just take a shit in your purse? or is that look always plastered on your snooty, snobby face!!?

Where is the compassion and understanding? This woman could clearly see my children acting up and that I was getting a little stressed with the whole situation. Surely it would have been easier to just ignore the whole mess and walk away? instead, she knew I was emotional so decided to tut at me and carry on looking at my boy like he was some sort of caged animal that had escaped. He is my child, my concern, and my worry, not yours, so just move along you old hag!! Maybe next time I will get him to shit in your purse, give you a real reason to look at him like shit!!

Phew I feel a lot better writing that! My blog is my therapy!



Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Never ending laundry basket!!

Is it just me or does anyone else have a never fucking ending laundry/washing basket!!?

Seriously how many outfits does a family of four go through!!? This is the exact reason I salute those women that do the school run in their pyjama bottoms, just your pj's to wash? They are looked down on for been lazy but hey they sound like geniuses to me!!

I literally have such a sad life that when my washing basket is empty I do a little victory dance!! Even if it is just for 3 hours until the children and hubby get ready for bed and then it's full again for the next day. Well, I say the washing basket is full but it's not, it's all over the bloody floor as they can't seem to see the massive big washing bag that stands in the corner of the goddam room!!

Then of course, once it's washed it needs drying and ironing!! Ironing is the source of all fucking evil!! No wonder little mo decided to bump poor old Trevor around the head with one in EastEnders years ago!!  I'm surprised "death by iron" isn't a choice on death certificates. My body cringes when I see the amount of ironing that comes from doing the washing!! Every single day It gets washed, dried and then sits in a basket staring the shit out of me, taunting me, that at some point I'm going to have to stand and iron the fucker!!

As a stay at home mum, I have lots of jobs but washing and ironing are the worst!

I'm going to let you into a little secret here.....Sometimes I will inspect and sometimes even smell a certain item of clothing out of the basket and if it seems ok and doesn't have the "a la sweat" scent ill just hang it back up in the wardrobe and their none the wiser! !! SUCKKERRSS!!!!

I have a routine that I wash and dry them the same day but then I won't have the mental strength to look at the same clothes again whilst ironing the fuckers, so I leave the ironing until the day after!

Same shit, different day! Washing, drying, ironing......WASHING, DRYING, IRONING!

Do you have a house chore that you hate?
Do any of you love the ironing?

Thanks for reading.
My Petit Canard
The Pramshed

R is for Hoppit



My nerve root block procedure.

I am in pain every day!

I have always suffered from back pain, but since been pregnant in 2011 it got progressively worse. So I went for an MRI.

The result was that I have disc disease which causes the discs in my back to erode and wear away. I have very little disc left in my l4, 5 and 6, and I also have a herniated disc which is crushing a nerve, causing me to have pain 24/7 shooting down my legs and into my foot! So my doc referred me to have a few injections into my spine to see if they could ease the pain for me! The injections I was due to have was nerve root blocks and nerve branch blocks/steroid injections 3 in each side of my spine.

So this week the big day came and I was so fucking nervous!! like.. really nervous! We got to the hospital at 12.15, my appointment was 1 pm, we were the first ones there and I was checked in and given my wristband, I thought this would mean I was going to be first in with me been all ready to go! Next person came at 12.45 then before we knew it, it was 1 pm and there were 9 of us sat waiting.

2.10pm came and all 9 of us was still sat waiting but we had all now been checked in.

2.20pm and the doctor came for the first person, it wasn't me! My palms were sweaty and I was jabbering on, talking absolute shit because I just couldn't calm myself down.

2.40pm next person....wasn't me.

3pm....wasn't me! 3.20pm, yep you got it right....not me!

3.40pm, 3.55pm Still sat waiting.

The doctor came at 4 pm and told me that I was last on the list! Of course first in last out as they say!!

4.20 and I was told to "gown up" I was shaking with fear, would it hurt? would I be ok? I warn you now if anyone is due this procedure DO NOT google it!!

I went down to the theatre and they popped a cannula in my hand and started to proceed with the sedative, although I would still be conscious I needed to be sedated as I can't lay flat on my tummy without been in excruciating pain, so they wouldn't be able to do the procedure. Within 60 seconds I was flying and everything in the room was spinning! I still could feel some parts of the injection which weren't nearly as bad as I had heard, it stung a little and a lot of pressure but that was as bad as it got! My heart rate started to go a little crazy so I needed the oxygen mask and another two lots of sedative.  10 mins later it was all done and I was in recovery.

The toes on my right leg started to go numb and it was slowly creeping up my leg, I told the nurse who asked "are you sure?" yes, yes, of course, I'm sure!! The feeling was getting worse so they wheeled me back to the discharge point in the bed! The day surgery centre was closing and I should have been discharged by now but I could move my leg never mind stand up on it! another hour passed and the staff started to go home and the cleaners were cleaning around me!! The nurses came back to see if I could now bear weight on my leg....I could a little bit but it collapsed and I fell back down into the chair! Another hour passed and I was able to stand but still couldn't walk, they had rang the surgeon who couldn't be located and in the nurse's words "must have rushed off home"
lovely! The nurses needed to go home so they carried me to the car and away I went!! Thanks ladies!

The hubby carried me in and like a good egg gave me all my meds and put me to bed! I had an ok night, bit uncomfortable but it was ok, its two days later and I'm in a lot of discomfort but ill get there and hopefully in the next few days I will be able to feel some change in the level of pain I'm in.

Thanks for reading.


Saturday, February 18, 2017

This week we have had Chicken pox!

This week our little boy has had chicken pox, it was spreading around his school like wildfire and last week there were 18 children off in his class alone! It was only a matter of time before he would come down with it but shit, I didn't realise how bad it would be!

People tell you about all their experiences but nothing prepared me for this week and seeing him in the pain he was in!

So I thought I would write a post on Chicken pox and the things I wished someone would have told me!


Now, I have heard people say they have had children covered from top-to-toe but I have never heard people say how they can also spread internally! As well as his full body, Joseph had them all on his tonsils, his mouth, lips and the whites of his eyes, hell  they was even in his ear canal!!

Camomile lotion is shit!

Now this thing seems to be like a "god" when it comes down to Chicken pox, My opinion is that it was shit!! I had his full body covered in it and he was still clawing into his skin jumping up and down in agony! We tried camomile aquaeus cream and it seemed to give him some relief for around an hour.

Its good that he has them young and out of the way!

I swear if I hear this one more time I will drop kick them in the fanny!! Why the hell is it easier to see your 5 year old boy screaming in agony then it is your 15/20 year old son in pain? I really don't get it, I know the whole shingles thing etc but surely a older child can deal with it better then younger children?

Oat baths don't work!

Put a sock filled with oats in the bath they said, I did, three times and all three times he seemed to itch more!

Doctors can give you something!

People tell you not to take a child with chicken pox to doctors as there's nothing they can give. I knew I had to with the pain he was in, cold and flu spread like crazy and there one of the main reasons most people visit their gp, so I'm afraid I was chancing the whole chicken pox thing! We sat and explained how he was and they looked him over and gave him a throat spray, mouth wash, gel for his lips and a new medicine to work along side the piriton. Tonight he has gone to bed without itching!

We found the only thing that helped him a little was the camomile cream and a cool flannel rested on his back, lots of cuddles and keeping him warm. It looks like they are starting to scab so I'm praying to the big guy in the sky that we are over the worst! There is nothing worse then seeing your child in pain and not been able to do anything for them! My main advice to anyone going through this with their child is, if you think they need to see a GP then take them! So many people tell you not to take them if they have the pox, but don't take no notice you know when your child isn't right and chicken pox isn't always just spots that itch!

If you want to read the hubby's thoughts on this crazy ass week then you can here.

Thanks for reading.

Mudpie Fridays

Back With A Bump

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

This Disney depression is too much!!

If you know me then you will know I am Disney obsessed, I think I should actually be diagnosed!!

Here we are in 2015 when we took our son on his first Disneyworld trip.

I have been six times now, My first trip abroad was to Disneyworld in 2002 To visit my brother who worked in the "Rose and Crown" pub in Epcot. I introduced the hubby to this magical place in 2008 and we ended up getting married over there in 2010!

We decided to make the wedding Trip extra special by doing The Disney cruise again!! Trust me if you ever visit Orlando make sure you plan a couple of days out of the parks and do the cruise, it is AMAZING!!

Since 2002 I have been going every two years, But since having our first child Joseph in 2010 we have only been once and that was Josephs first trip in 2014. Then came Alice in 2015!

The reason we have left it so long now is because of the ages of our kiddies, I know lots of people love taking "babies/toddlers" but it wasn't a great experience for us. Joseph had just turned 3 and the heat, excitement etc was just too much for him, he was moody and would tantrum a lot during the day!
So on our way back on the plane, we said that we wouldn't go back until our second baby was at least four. I couldn't believe I was setting myself up for a four-year wait!! Alice was born 2015 so she is two this year, My Disney depression at the minute is on top form!! I can't stop watching Disney vlogs and if I see another Disneyworld advert on the TV I will have to stab my eyeballs out!! Every piece of Disney clothing I see, I can't help but think I should be buying it for my "travelling outfit" We all have them right??

We bought a house in 2015 and we have been concentrating on getting it redecorated etc, so at the moment going in 2019 (when Alice is 4) is looking a little too far away!!

I am going to do everything I can to save up and get us there as soon as I can, but for now, other people's Disney holiday vlogs, and me sat for hours on the laptop pretend planning will have to do!!

Does anyone else feel like this when they don't have a holiday booked?

Or am I just crazy!!

Thanks for reading.



DIY Daddy Blog

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Your son is obese!

My attitude towards my son's school has reached a whole new level this year!

I received a phone call to tell me that my 5-year-old son was classed as "obese" in his weight check that they had done. It doesn't stop there, she proceeded to ask me if I wanted "help" at home with his eating habits!!!!

I'm not quite sure what she was expecting me to say but I don't think she was ready for my response!!

My boy is five years old, FIVE!! he has been weighed and made to feel like there is a problem with his little, innocent body. Why is weighing children even needed in schools? Is this not what our health visitors and g.p's are for?? We worry about eating disorders and bullying all through image, and they're going into schools and labelling 5-year-olds as obese!!

Now my boy is so tall, not tubby...tall. He was born weighing 8lb 5 so not overly big, but bigger than average, now his dad is 6ft 3, his mama (me) is 5ft 10 so were not the smallest of people. His first ever pair of shoes was a size 7 and he was 11 months old! He is now 5 years old and in a size 1.5!

The results of this joke of a weight check were that he is 4ft 5, 4stone and a 22" waist, He is so slim that his trousers fall down if he doesn't wear a belt, yet I have a nurse on the phone telling me that my son is obese!?

I cannot begin to tell you how angry I am about this, Labelling a 5-year-old is just Ludacris, we send our son to school to be educated not to be weighed and labelled!

Has anyone else encountered this?

Rhyming with Wine
Back With A Bump


The Pramshed


Monday, February 6, 2017

Guest Post - How a woman changes after giving birth

So I have been thinking over the last few days how much I have changed as a person!

I heard a conversation on the bus between two ladies, "You should know him inside out, but you sound like you don't truly know him at all" it got me thinking, do we really know anyone inside out? whether you have been together 2 months or married for 65 years, how can we truly know a person when we change all the time? Things will happen in life and they change you, Death, childbirth, illness, money! So it got me thinking about myself and wondering how I have changed as a person in the last 6 years since having our children. Surely I can't be the same woman as I was 6 years ago? When I heard children screaming and crying in the supermarket I used to tut and think what the hell!...Now I salute the mama and give her that look of understanding! I know I'm not the same person I was when me and the hubby met 11 years ago and neither is he, So I asked him to write me a post about how he thinks women change when having children.

Here it is.

Hi, I'm Rich and I blog over at One Hull of a Dad. I have been asked to write this post by my wife Kerry. 

Kerry wanted me to write a post on how women change after having a baby. This post could either go really well or get me divorced. I won't let on which one I'm hoping for.

There is no doubt that pregnancy changes a woman's body in a massive way, literally. I believe there are two fun parts to a pregnancy, the before your pregnant part and once the baby is here part, although that is 10% fun and 90% tiring. I would think that most women would agree that their body has never been the same since having a child. Some may be small reasons why it isn't the same and some may be quite big reasons. It's now time to hear my thoughts on how women change after having a baby

Here goes...

1. A woman's feelings of love change dramatically, they no longer love chocolate the most.

2.  A woman's psychic ability gets raised up to another level, it's no longer, I bet he's eating all those biscuits while I'm in the bath. It is now, uh oh we have a code brown incoming, get the wipes ready!!

3. Women who once hated the sight of sick or even mentioning sick can now manage to clean it up all the while doing 23 other tasks.

4. Women, despite never having a child before instantly know what to do whilst us men go back to our roots and shit ourselves in a corner.

5. Women who once would stay in bed all day when they came down with a virus or other such illness, will now power through it and still manage not to starve or lose the children, not sure I could be trusted with either when I am ill. 

That's my 5 thoughts on how a woman changes after having a baby. I have so much admiration for any mum out there. 

A note to my wife,

You have given me the miracle of children, not once but twice (that's it though, you can stop with the miracles now). As a man, I can never repay that gift that you have given me, and seeing the pain you went through I'm not sure I'd even want to. I can't believe how you changed your body, your lifestyle, everything so that we could have our two beautiful children. The way you deal with them both when I'm at work is amazing, you get Joseph fed, dressed and on to school in time while keeping Alice entertained so she doesn't go off and lick a plug socket. Thank you so much for everything you do for us all. 

Thak you to all mums out there, you do far more than your probably given credit for.

Thanks for reading