struggling with myself!

We went away last weekend to LEGOLAND for my little boys 5th birthday (even though its not until the end of august!) and whilst away I received a massive slap around the chops from the bathroom mirror in our hotel!
Now little A is 10 months old so I should really still be loosing it but instead I look as though I have been gaining it!! mirrors never lie!!

why has it taken me ten months to realise this I hear you say?.....

I hate mirrors with a passion in our house we have one bathroom mirror and a small one in the hallway that is stuck to the wall like shit to a blanket (owners before us must of loved to superglue everything rather then DIY, they even superglued the bathroom tiles on around the pipes!!)

Now whilst we was away I decided to take a nice hot, relaxing bubble bath......just as I was getting in.....arrrghhhhhhhhhh why does my body look so different when the clothes are off!!?? is that me?? when did this happen??
My god I have let myself go....not just the extra weight that has decided to make itself comfy on my bones, but also my greasy,greying hair that has more dead ends than York maze!! oo Kerry!!

So I lay in the bath for a good half an hour thinking about how proud I should be that my body has been through 2 miracles in 5 years and given me the gift of children that cant be easy... right? cut it some stomach is flabby because I had a cesarean section 10 months ago so its from that... right?? my thighs are starting to rub together because again I had a baby 10 months ago so its ok....right??
I can look like I have been dragged through a hedge backwards because I had a baby 10 months ago.....right??

NO,NO,NO!! no more excuses to myself! I have done it all myself and usually just because its the "easy" way. At tea time when I'm cooking four different meals (I live with the worlds pickiest eaters!) its "easy" to take the oven chips sprinkled with cheese option, in a morning when I'm rushing about its "easy" to skip breakfast and go for the brew and biscuits, its also easy to just scrape my hair back instead of washing, drying and styling it!
I have done it all before i've been following a lady on twitter and you-tube for a few years now called Carly Rowena and her fitness journey is an inspiration....i lost 5 stone after having my little J following her excersise videos etc but now since having little A every month I think right that's it, 10 months gone lets do this!!....... then out comes the bickie jar and the Yorkshire tea!!

f'#@k, f@#k fatty f@#k!!!

Of course I know its all about balance but there aint no balance here!! its literally biscuits for brekkie, frozen meal in the microwave for tea and a quick bag of crisps before bed!!

So that's it....I know what I'm eating cant be doing me good but then when the daily grind of tantrums, sick and poop start, that thought floats away and it just gets replaced with "easy".

So tomorrow is a new day and the start of another journey! I need to be happy in my own skin, I need to look in that bathroom mirror and think....f@#k I'm a sexy mamma! rather then seeing a live episode of peppa pig staring back at me!

So I'm going to use blogging to help me, little updates so I can see my journey and how far I'm coming.

 healthy and happy......healthy and happy!! I will do this!

Thanks for reading..



A Mum Track Mind


  1. Ah hun, don't stress about it too much. I can't quite believe how much our bodies change after having children. I was blissfully unaware how I looked until I had a shower with my contact lenses in! Thanks for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x


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