Monday, July 24, 2017

To snip or not to snip.


This week the Hubs went to the doctors about having "the snip" aka vasectomy.



I had a pretty horrific birth with my first child and suffered horrendous hyperemesis Gravidarum with my second pregnancy. I was sick anywhere from 10-20 times a day...everyday....Eurgh. I hated everything about my second pregnancy and at times I just couldn't see how I was going to get through it! My boy needed his mummy but I was either asleep on the sofa or I was in the bathroom with my head down the loo!


Whilst still pregnant I said I wasn't doing it all again and that it would definitely be my last pregnancy. "Its just morning sickness" said some people. Its not and I have never had the urge to punch so many people in the face!

So after both agreeing that we didn't want anymore children I asked my consultant if they could sterilize me whilst I was having a section, (well after it obviously) I would be there on the table and it would all be on show to them so what better time?

"I'm afraid we cant do that as your not in the right frame of mind" said the consultant!

That's right Mr consultant you don't know me from the mole on my arse and if you looked at my notes you would understand why I don't want another pregnancy!!  I cant give birth naturally again,  I needed emergency surgery after my first labour...how do I put this.. to build me a new fucking vagina and the second pregnancy I couldn't stand up or lift my head without throwing up for the full 9 months...

But apparently I wasn't in the right state of mind so they refused me a hysterectomy.

So it was time for the Hubby to take one for the team... "I will go in my holidays when I'm off work" he said...2 years later and he still hasn't been, So last week I made him an appointment.

Knowing the reaction I had from the Consultant I told the Hubs to be ready to explain why he wants it and not to be shoved out of the door with a "I'm sorry we cant"

He came home 10 minutes after his appointment...."appointment is coming in the post"

No "are you ready? are you sure? are you in the right state of mind?" nada

"have you talked it through with your wife" was the doctors only question!!

As soon as the Hubby said it was all happening I felt a pang of emotion! why? why was I questioning not been able to have children again when I really DONT want anymore?

I sat and thought about it all and after friends said to me

"you cant be sure you don't want anymore if your feeling like it could be a mistake"

Shit what is it with people and their opinions about YOUR thoughts and feelings!!

I'm not quite sure how many times I can say I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER CHILD before people actually get it!

I go to the doc and tell him I don't want another baby and apparently I'm not in the right frame of mind, yet the hubby can walk in and its just a "have you talked it through with the wife" Simple.

The woman that grows the baby, has her emotions and body change, goes through hell and has to push it out has the hard time getting people to understand she doesn't want anymore children, yet the guy who has a great time in bed and then waits for the big day gets a hand shake and an appointment!!?

Back to the wave of emotion and how I'm feeling about Hubbys "snip" Now I'm not sure if its me and my emotions or just a thing us women feel but for the chance of having a child to be taken away does feel odd. Even though I don't want anymore and I have two beautiful children, to finally say that's it we CANT have anymore is a little hard to get used to I guess.

That's it...I will not have the chance for anymore children, I wont ever have that "Newborn" stage again. Alice is been potty trained so we wont have nappies around the house or bottles to sterilize. No more baby grows or jars of baby food. The first crawl, steps. Its hard to face up to the fact that my babies are growing up there not "babies" anymore and that I wont have a "baby" again. Which is fine as I don't want to do that all again but as a woman I think its natural for part of us to always "crave that"

My Hubby is also blogging his journey, you can read his first post here
Have you or your husband been sterilized?

What was your feelings?

Thanks for reading

K x
Pink Pear Bear





Cuddle Fairy
The Pramshed
3 Little Buttons
JakiJellz

36 comments:

  1. I suffered with HG in both pregnancies. Both were C section births because of my health There's a little part of me that would never want hubby to have a V just in case I drop dead and he finds a new wife and blah de blah. (Morbid I know!). For now I have the implant. (It last for three years, and after that hubby and I will discuss our next move!



    I definitely don't understand people that think they *know* better than you whether your baby making days are done. It's such a personal choice!

    Great post. X

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    1. Its really awful isn't it!! The amount of people that call it just "morning sickness" is crazy! aww we all have our own thoughts on it hun, we all find our own way. x

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  2. My hubby won't ever do it (he says)... and I won't either tbh.... = no more sex forever!! �� ��

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    1. Haha no more sex......He'll soon be racing of to his G.P lol

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  3. Good for you for knowing what you want and sticking to your guns. X #triumphanttales

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  4. I had two sections Kerry one elective and one emergency and I didn't have a great pregnancy nowhere near as bad as you. We always said we only wanted two children so the obvious choice was for Darran to have the ship. I did joke for quite a while afterwards that I could still gave children lol. You know it's right for you. Xxx

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  5. It's a strange feeling of going from "not wanting kids" to "not being able to have kids" - I think you've got to do what's best for you, and by the sounds of it being pregnant just didn't go well for you! It's a bittersweet thought that you won't have any "baby essentials" around the house, but that would've happened eventually even with more kid! - this day would still come! And there is always fostering or adoption if you did happen to change your minds later! #fortheloveofBLOG x

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    1. Yes exactly and I think anyone would miss the essentials around the house even Rich will miss not having a newborn again but that doesn't mean we want one lol Yes adoption is a lovely idea!

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  6. I totally relate to this lovely. The Hub went for the snip last Jan and something about it does feel very "final". Like you we were 100% sure about our choice though. I think the sadness for me was more that our two are no longer babies. Not so much that we wanted to go through the baby days again with a new one? Does that make sense? Anyway I'm waffling. Hope all goes well and just go with your gut. Only you two know what's right for you. If it helps to know - The Hub had a really good recovery and has never looked back. Xx

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    1. Yes this is how I feel, and its how I know I don't want another. Its ok for people to miss something but not want it. As crazy as that sounds.

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  7. I totally relate to this lovely. The Hub went for the snip last Jan and something about it does feel very "final". Like you we were 100% sure about our choice though. I think the sadness for me was more that our two are no longer babies. Not so much that we wanted to go through the baby days again with a new one? Does that make sense? Anyway I'm waffling. Hope all goes well and just go with your gut. Only you two know what's right for you. If it helps to know - The Hub had a really good recovery and has never looked back. Xx

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  8. we haven't thought about that yet because we only have one son and we want to first have more babies. Glad your husband is willing to take one of the team #TriumphantTales

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    1. lol I tried but it didn't go down well so I said I wasn't going back to the gp after Alice and going through it all again so I said if it was going to happen it would have to be him....I pushed our first baby out and then had to have a section with second so I'm sure he could go have a little fiddle with his two friends....

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  9. Having been with Hubby for seven years I didnt want the impersonal choice of condoms after Ben and with my PCOS Ive had difficulties with contraception that doesnt flare up my symptoms.
    When discussing the options the snip did come up. I honestly considered having a hysterectomy but it wont solve my PCOS symptoms so the snip is the only other option we have left if we choose not to use condoms.
    Hubby is not best pleased but I've let him mull it over after planting the seed in his mind and he can take it from there hahah!
    Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week.

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  10. So sorry to hear you had such a tough time of it. As soon as I got pregnant with my third child, I sent my husband off to find out about a vasectomy and I mean literally the same day with us both seeing our doctors. He was really brave and drove himself home afterwards. I guess this is a milestone few of us talk about but it is a milestone and like most of them will come with mixed emotions

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    1. wow did he really! yea it is a big thing its the end of child bearing isn't it!

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  11. Most of being pregnant sucked. But I would still love another child although my partner is adamant that he doesn't. :( The double standards for men and women here is awful. A friend of mine has just had a hysterectomy after a LOT of discussion with her doc #triumphanttales

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  12. That's rubbish they did my tubes at the same time as my section. It didn't work but that's another story. I can't understand that at all

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    1. A family members didn't either!! I couldn't believe it! This is why I asked them I thought it would make it all easier whilst I was there.

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  13. I guess it's so final isn't it. They say there's no going back, but there is! My hubby had a vasectomy before I met him, but he had surgical sperm retrieve years later during our IVF and we now have 5 year old twins! Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky

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  14. It's not totally final as emily said we went on to having twins Thank you for linking to #ThatFridayLinky Please come back next week

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  15. How rude of him! I had HG twice and I know that i could never go through it again. I totally get you! Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza xx

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  16. Oh! That doesn't seem right that you couldn't make your own decision, but hubby could with hardly any questioning. How strange is that! I think only you 2 can make the decision on what's best for you and your family. I get it though :-) #DreamTeam

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  17. It doesn't seem right that they are willing to listen to men and not women. Mind you a sterilisation of the female is not as easy to reverse than a man having the snip I imagine. #fortheloveofBLOG

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  18. This is pretty shocking that you faced this response. We're not sure we're done with our family yet so haven't considered this but it's interesting that you have faced such an uphill struggle when you know it's what you want! #bigpinklink

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  19. I kind of understand where you're coming from here. Me and hubby have talked and talked and talked about it, and always the cons outweigh the pros of having another, so we've decided that is that, no more. But part of me still has the odd 'shall we....' thought, but then i snap back to reality and remember the reasons we really DON'T want another child! Great post Kerry. #LiveLifeLove

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  20. That sounds like a pretty dodgy response. Glad Rich has the balls (get it) to go through with the big V! #livelifelove

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  21. Poor you, your pregnancy and birth stories sound so awful! I hope his journey through the big V goes well! #bigpinklink

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  22. I think as someone said about that going from not wanting kids to not being able to have them would be a bit of a head twister for anyone, however sure they are. #livelifelove

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  23. I think people find it strange that 'how can anyone not want anymore children' but then theyll ask say a man.. why would you want kids?.. makes no sence, its our bodies and our lives so we can do whatever we damn well please...i personally couldnt imagine ending it all, while i hate pregnancy, i loooove babies haha

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  24. That's a really terrible response from the doctor?! It's a tough choice....my hubbie just won't have the snip....point blank refused. I had 2 c sections and am now 45 so really don't want anymore. It's a tricky time......great post. #bigpinklink

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  25. Me and my partner have been having the same conversation, after a horrific birth with my first, ending in section, i had to have planned section with my second. I asked to be sterilised during section but was told i was too young, (26 at time) I have discussed this again and I'm still too young. My partner 31, said he would go for the "snip" but again, his too young. I don't get it. They are our bodies, we have two beautiful, healthy babies, so why would i want to put myself through it again? It scares the hell out of me!!!

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  26. It's something we'd talked about a lot over the years, it annoys both of us that vasectomy is treated as a joke by many. Sure the procedure itself is a breeze but it's final and any problems that arise are usually chronic and not reversable. 10% of men are going to have issues like nerve pain and feeling like they've been kicked in the nuts for the rest of their lives. Aftercare for problems is a joke to non-existent (as rare as it is, it's still thousands of men a year with problems). Men are told to basically man up and get over it. Not saying it's not the best option, afterall the women have taken many risks too during their reproductive years, i just wish it wasn't seen as an easy throw away procedure with no issues. Every medical procedure is serious and men shouldn't just be told to 'man up', laughed at or dismissed if they are nervous or having problems afterwards. Doctors are so flippant towards OUR bodies.

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  27. Caroline has just had a conversation with a nurse in this field regarding this very issue. The nurse mentioned that she was sterilised when she had her last c-scetion and the wife brought up this very post. Apparently she was adamant from the moment she found out she was pregnant and mentioned it at her first appointment therefore was seen as making the decision in the cold light of day. If you've had anything like a difficult pregnancy some consultants won't want to do it as they'll worry that you're not thinking logically due to the difficulties and may change your mind once the pregnancy has passed. It's also down to the consultants, some won't have a problem, some won't ever do it due to people suing in the past using the 'not in the right frame of mind' argument.

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