This week the Hubs went to the doctors about having "the snip" aka vasectomy.
I had a pretty horrific birth with my first child and suffered horrendous hyperemesis Gravidarum with my second pregnancy. I was sick anywhere from 10-20 times a day...everyday....Eurgh. I hated everything about my second pregnancy and at times I just couldn't see how I was going to get through it! My boy needed his mummy but I was either asleep on the sofa or I was in the bathroom with my head down the loo!
Whilst still pregnant I said I wasn't doing it all again and that it would definitely be my last pregnancy. "Its just morning sickness" said some people. Its not and I have never had the urge to punch so many people in the face!
So after both agreeing that we didn't want anymore children I asked my consultant if they could sterilize me whilst I was having a section, (well after it obviously) I would be there on the table and it would all be on show to them so what better time?
"I'm afraid we cant do that as your not in the right frame of mind" said the consultant!
That's right Mr consultant you don't know me from the mole on my arse and if you looked at my notes you would understand why I don't want another pregnancy!! I cant give birth naturally again, I needed emergency surgery after my first labour...how do I put this.. to build me a new fucking vagina and the second pregnancy I couldn't stand up or lift my head without throwing up for the full 9 months...
But apparently I wasn't in the right state of mind so they refused me a hysterectomy.
So it was time for the Hubby to take one for the team... "I will go in my holidays when I'm off work" he said...2 years later and he still hasn't been, So last week I made him an appointment.
Knowing the reaction I had from the Consultant I told the Hubs to be ready to explain why he wants it and not to be shoved out of the door with a "I'm sorry we cant"
He came home 10 minutes after his appointment...."appointment is coming in the post"
No "are you ready? are you sure? are you in the right state of mind?" nada
"have you talked it through with your wife" was the doctors only question!!
As soon as the Hubby said it was all happening I felt a pang of emotion! why? why was I questioning not been able to have children again when I really DONT want anymore?
I sat and thought about it all and after friends said to me
"you cant be sure you don't want anymore if your feeling like it could be a mistake"
Shit what is it with people and their opinions about YOUR thoughts and feelings!!
I'm not quite sure how many times I can say I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER CHILD before people actually get it!
I go to the doc and tell him I don't want another baby and apparently I'm not in the right frame of mind, yet the hubby can walk in and its just a "have you talked it through with the wife" Simple.
The woman that grows the baby, has her emotions and body change, goes through hell and has to push it out has the hard time getting people to understand she doesn't want anymore children, yet the guy who has a great time in bed and then waits for the big day gets a hand shake and an appointment!!?
Back to the wave of emotion and how I'm feeling about Hubbys "snip" Now I'm not sure if its me and my emotions or just a thing us women feel but for the chance of having a child to be taken away does feel odd. Even though I don't want anymore and I have two beautiful children, to finally say that's it we CANT have anymore is a little hard to get used to I guess.
That's it...I will not have the chance for anymore children, I wont ever have that "Newborn" stage again. Alice is been potty trained so we wont have nappies around the house or bottles to sterilize. No more baby grows or jars of baby food. The first crawl, steps. Its hard to face up to the fact that my babies are growing up there not "babies" anymore and that I wont have a "baby" again. Which is fine as I don't want to do that all again but as a woman I think its natural for part of us to always "crave that"
My Hubby is also blogging his journey, you can read his first post here
Have you or your husband been sterilized?
What was your feelings?
Thanks for reading